1709.18 ALL CHANGE YET NOT

This week has been a difficult one. My head space has been mucked about by life and the reshuffle at work.

1504.13 FAMILY CURSE

When I was off work injured one of the things I did to occupy my time was to do a little research into my family tree. All very interesting... to me maybe, I wouldn't want to bore anyone else with most of what I found.

One thing that became apparent was the confirmation of something I already suspected. The males in my family line (the ones that share my surname) don't seem to live past 65. The ones in my living memory all had poor lifestyle habits but what about the ones in the distant past?

My lifestyle is better that quite a lot of my family. I'm active (cycling a minimum of 100 km per week), I don't (and never have) smoke and I barely drink alcohol (maybe 3 pints a month). My diet has room for improvement but it's not horrendous. The main room for improvement in my opinion is sleep. My sleep pattern is poor and my sleep debt is running too high. I know this is partly due to my wife's condition and my duties as carer. Still I'm sure there's some improvements I can make.

On the news this morning BBC journalist Simon Jack was speaking about the high number of suicides amongst men in their forties and his experience (his father killed himself 25 years ago at age 44). It is subject of a Panorama programme tonight (should be on iPlayer afterwards). This resonated with me as in 2012 I suffered a breakdown which I still feel the invisible scars (more than the visible scars I sport from recent cycling injuries).

All in all I'm at a very dangerous time of life and it's very scary when you think about it.

Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves? - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32231774