Tuesday, 20 August 2019


Things haven't been great recently. There are certain facets of life that have conspired to fuck with my head. I get that life isn't straightforward but sometimes the shit keeps on coming.

Seven years ago my head was completely screwed, it was a long and hard road back from there. It's an invisible scar that I can see every day of my life. Sometimes the old wounds can become a bit sore again. Life can do this.

Recently at work our leaders have been fucking with our shift patterns with a view to taking cash from our wages - it's dispicable and insulting that they should even consider this. It's had an awful knock on effect to moral. 

Last week a member of our team at work killed themself. They hadn't been with us long having transferred in from another team a couple of months ago. It was without saying a complete shock. After hearing the news I found myself going over my encounters to see if I could have spotted a sign. Even though I didn't know them I felt numb. It really affected me.

I'm currently in the middle of a fortnight where my youngest daughter is away a Army Cadet camp, it's the longest we've been apart.

All these facts have had a deep effect on my mental health. I've been feeling really low. I was necessary to take some time out, with the support of Morticia I took some time off work (annual leave) to take some quality time together. It's helped to step out of things a little (without being able to go away). She had looked after me an we have talked and I'm feeling so much better in myself. The problems haven't gone away but I'm processing them better now.

What I think I'm trying to say is if you feel the dark hand on your shoulder them please speak to someone. It's ok not to be ok. I'm lucky, I have the support of family and I know many do not. Men in particular need to start talking. If you don't have anyone to speak to then there are organisations to seek out - don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out to them.

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