1208.24 PACKING AND PREP

10:03 - Tomorrow we go to Wales on our annual holiday. As it stands I really don't feel like going after yesterday. I'm sat in my dressing gown waiting for the bathroom to come free. 

12:03 - Shopping at Morrisons for food for the trip, didn't expect it to cost that much. 

21:06 - Finally sat down after a hard day sorting out everything for tomorrow's journey. The roof box was a bitch to fit (first time on this car). Looking forward to my bed, should be up at 5.

23:08 - Bed, taken a Nytol so hopefully the few hours I get will be restful.

23:38 - Bloody heavy rain keeping me awake!

1208.23 GIVE US A BREAK

No matter what I do something comes along to kick me down again. Why the fuck do I bother? My head hurts, my chest and heart feels heavy. I'm struggling to cope, everytime I feel I get a handle on things something happens to knock me to the floor.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

Harley did well in her exams considering the fact that she had to pull back following a particularly dark time. Unfortunately her results weren't good enough to get her onto her chosen college course despite some guarantees given to her from them previously. She was devastated. I've made some calls and hopefully opened a few doors for her. There's always a plan B, especially at her age.

1208.20 BACK TO THE DOCS

Today I returned to the doctor to talk about my how I'm coping with things. It was a different doctor although I was glad she was a female like the previous one. Speaking about such things are easier to a woman than a man I feel although if I think a man would probably be happier with the latter if I'd gone in with some embarrassing itch.

I agreed that I've been a time bomb waiting to go off and finally I reached the end of my fuse, hopefully I managed to stop the explosion. My journey back to health is a long and difficult one. I have to try and make lifestyle changes and allow myself time and be me. That's going to be hard.

I've been signed off work for a further 2 weeks, this takes me to the other side of my planned holiday to Wales.

1208.14 NOT SO DANDY

I just heard that the Dandy, a comic and British institution is in danger since its circulation dropped below 8,000. I grew up with the Dandy and Beano (I even dabbled with the Topper and Whizzer & Chips). I used to enjoy copying the cartoons and learned a lot from the art. I was also entertained, it's something that's lost on today's children.

Back in the 80s I even had a drawing and letter published in the Dandy's letters page (Star letter nonetheless).

I for one will mourn its passing.

1208.10 BIG DAY OUT

As part of our learning to function together as a family and to put behind us all that has happened recently we decided to go out for the afternoon. We visited Sheffield City Centre to see the golden post box (in honour of the Olympic gold medal winner, Jessica Ennis) and to see the 'Sheffield by the sea' event (an idea they blatantly ripped off from Rotherham).

We had a great trip, afterwards we called at Meadowhall for a bit of tea and a spot of light shopping. Morticia by this time was really struggling to get around so we decided to head home.

1208.08 RECONCILIATION

Harley returned home today following a long mediation involving my parents. I'm not about to kid myself that the next few weeks are going to be easy, a lot has happened and things need to be resolved. For now I feel a little better, although my stress levels remain high I feel that I have some hope now.

1208.07 CYCLING GOLD

Olympic cycling has been the one thing that has gotten me through the last week and a bit. Today was the last day in the velodrome.

Victoria Pendleton was robbed of a potential gold medal by a very controversial decision by the officials, it was the second time in the games that she had been on the receiving end of their interpretation of the rules. She won silver in the women sprint which was the last medal of her professional career.

Laura Trott and the legendary Sir Chris Hoy (in his last appearance at the Olympics) both took gold in the Omnium and Kerin (respectively). Chris is now the most successful British Olympian after exceeding Sir Steve Redgrave (who was on hand at the velodrome to congratulate him).

1208.06 SICKNOTE

I haven't visited a doctor for years for myself. It was a strange experience to go today and lay it all out, my problems and fears, the fact I'm not sleeping properly and the way I feel about life at the moment. I did this depression test which I scored highly on (although the doctor recognised this was due to my situation rather than me suffering from full on depression). She was a very kind and understanding doctor and it did feel good to get things off my chest. She offered me drugs to help me but stated that they had addictive qualities, I declined these but she signed me off work for 2 weeks and referred me to a 'wellbeing practitioner'.

I don't know where I'd be without the Olympic Cycling over this period, for a brief time I've allowed myself to try and escape the reality of the situation and lose myself in the sport.

This evening our Team GB cyclists scored yet another gold when Jason Kenny triumphed in the Individual Sprint, well done.

1208.04 A WEEK OF HELL

It's been a week since my daughter walked out of the door. It's been indescribable, I haven't worked, I have barely slept and I've had a headache for days (no painkillers seem to have an effect). I spoke to my parents today at our house, I'm not sure where we go from here.

Another gold in cycling gave me a little lift this afternoon. The Olympics are the only thing keeping me going throughout all this.

1208.04 SHEFFIELD GOLD

Well done Jessica Ennis on her gold medal.