2212.03 FREEZIN

This winter is going to be hard. Perhaps the hardest I've experienced since I was a child. Already it's cold but it's going to get colder. This post however is not about the weather.

2204.26 THE WAITING

What a dreadful time we are living through, the world is in a sorry state with climate change not being addressed and war in Europe for the first time. Closer to home, we have a cost of living crisis, and of course, the pandemic is still bubbling under the headlines.

2108.29 PUPDATES AND EXHAUSTION

I think I underestimated the effect getting a puppy would have on our household. Magnus has turned our lives upside down.

2105.21 DOG

Ever since Angel passed there has been an emptiness in my life. Our home feels empty without her.

2103.07 SHE CANNE TAKE NO MORE CAPT'N

This should have been the blog post I wrote the other week before Angel passed. For some time now, years in fact, our boiler has struggled to perform adequately.

1910.13 BATTERY CRITICALLY LOW - PLEASE RECHARGE

Friday was Mental Health Awareness Day. Over the last few months I've been increasingly aware that my own mental health has been slipping. There's a lot going on and I realise I might not be handling it very well. One thing I thought might be beneficial to take a bit of time out.

1801.06 BACK HOME ON MY OWN

Some couples are inseparable, others keep their distance. I like to think that we strike a healthily balance. We love to spend our time together but are free to pursue our separate interests.

1612.06 CRACK OUT THE CHRISTMAS MOVIES

We normally put up the tree and decorations on the first weekend in December. Unfortunately this year I was working so we've had to try and fit it in during the week. Yesterday I ventured into the loft to get the boxes of Christmas decorations.

1611.26 HOME ALONE

This weekend Morticia has gone away with the girls so I've been left 'home alone', well not quite. I'm here with Rags and we are enjoying a bit of quality time together. We've been catching up on all our favourite superhero TV shows and eating junk food. We're having a great time.

When she goes to bed I've been working on new graphics for my website/blog ready for next year. Next year is a big milestone for my website. It'll be 15 years old. Although in the early years I gave it loads of attention it's only in the last year that I've given it renewed vigor and in that time I've 'met' loads of new friends. Well the new graphics I'm working on will show my commitment to this outlet. Although I am active on social media I fell out of love with it some time ago. Blogging allows me to express myself emotionally and creativly whilst still having control.

A first look at some of the new graphics
(I'm not quite happy with the menu bar yet).

Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent...

Every relationship is different but I feel it's healthy to spend a little time apart and (after Rags has gone to bed) some time alone. I'm making the most of my time and getting some great quality time with my daughter. Today I'm making Toad in the Hole and we are going to watch movies. It's going to be a great day.

Supplemental 1611.27;
Today had promise but has been sadly marred by a nasty migraine which has left me in bed for most of the day. The movies we planned to watch remain unwatched and the quality time I planned was reduced significantly. I'm very disappointed with how the weekend has panned out in the end. We got in some quality time but not as much as I'd hoped. 

1610.17 SQUEEZED IN

We live in a small house. It's got 3 bedrooms but they are small. It's fine for us. So when Morticia's father turned up on our doorstep last week having been kicked out by his partner we struggled to figure out where to accommodate him. I know our eldest daughter doesn't live with us but her room (which is the smallest room) is still her room and she is storing loads of her things in there (so much so that the room is unusable). So at the moment he's on our settee which is inconvenient to say the least and probably uncomfortable for him.

It's looking like he might be here for the long term which it already making our lives difficult. Not sure how this is going to pan out but it's a bit of a squeeze.

Supplemental 1610.25; After we returned from our Welsh break my father-in-law had moved out. He's back in his previous home which is a volatile situation still.

1609.25 HEADSPACE

I get 1 weekend off in every 3 with my current shift pattern. This makes every weekend quite special. This weekend I planned to sort out a friend's wedding photos (a bit of photoshop tidying) and of course go cycling. Apart from that we were just going to relax as a family and spend time together.

My head had other ideas.

Yesterday my head felt like it was in a vice whilst being repeated hit on the forehead with a lump hammer. It was like a hangover without the pleasure of a night out. The unmistakable dark mist had descended over me. I couldn't explain the cause of was just there. I couldn't concentrate on the photos I was supposed to be working on. This morning I planned to go cycling with the club but after a night of nightmares and waking up feeling so much dread I didn't feel like going, so I didn't. Probably the worst decision I could have made, I spent the morning feeling guilt on top of everything else.

A double rainbow to cheer me up? 🌈 #ukweather #Rotherham #southyorkshire

A photo posted by CaptainKirt™ (@captainkirt) on Sep 25, 2016 at 9:25am PDT

Maybe it's because it's the end of summer? Maybe it's that my life feels like I'm just treading water? I don't always know why the darkness descends over me, I wish I did. This afternoon as I sat looking out of the window and 2 rainbows appeared. I took it as a sign that things are going to get better. It's the first positive thought I've had all weekend.

I know this post doesn't make much sense, I apologise for that but writing it down makes it easier for me to process it all. 

1606.10 LAST DAY ON MY OWN

So my week without Morticia is almost over. I've spent the week mostly being horizontal, eating junk and watching movies and Netflix. Why? Because in 'real life' that's not what I do (except for the odd evening in). The week has gone by pretty fast, in the morning it'll be done with and after the weekend life will return to 'normal'.

Apart from the odd cloudburst it's been hot and sunny all week, perfect cycling weather yet I haven't turned a pedal all week. I could have set up the turbo trainer but if I'm honest I didn't want to. I needed to be fully relaxed.

I've eaten so badly I'm at the point where I'm craving pasta and grilled chicken. One of the supposed culinary highlights of the week was a Chinese takeaway that I'd promised myself weeks before. Sadly I was disappointed and whilst it was OK, it wasn't as great as I've come to expect from my favourite restaurant. I've drank so much Pepsi Max I think I'll be off the stuff for months.

I hit the movie collection pretty hard, I've watched...

The Hangover Trilogy, Star Wars - The Force Awakens, Casablanca, Edge of Tomorrow, Paul, A Good Day to Die Hard and Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation.

There is also the favourites that I always seem to watch when Morticia goes on a trip; Brassed Off and The Flying Scotsman (Graeme Obree story).

Netflix was hit too, I binged on Marvel's Jessica Jones and watched the Jimmy Carr stand up special.

So what about Rags? My daughter has been here but I've barely seen her all week. She has a busy after school life, with Army Cadets and helping out with the school play our quality time has been very short.

So tonight I tidy and clean around the house, pack up a few bits for tomorrow I go get my Morticia back!

1606.06 HOME ALONE

Well, not quite alone but all this week it'll be me with my (not so) little girl, Rags. Morticia is off to spend a week at her mother's while life goes on up here at home. This is a regular thing, she goes probably once or twice a year for a little restbite. As always I think it's a good idea right up to the point that she has to get on the train, then it gets emotional. Anyway, I put her on the train and then dashed home (5 minutes away) to track her journey on the National Rail Enquiries website. Surprisingly she got to her destination with little issue (just the booked seat booked not being as requested).

Morticia leaving on the train (this isn't a stock pic,
it's the actual train leaving Meadowhall Station).

People abroad and in the south may be looking at this picture wondering how this train is running without electricity. Well up in the "Northern Powerhouse" our trains are pretty much long buses on train tracks. Luckily this was just the first leg of her trip, the rest of the trip was on more modern electric trains.

So what plans have I for my temporary freedom? Not much really, I'm planning to watch a few movies, grab a Chinese takeaway and generally relax. Naps without nags are in this week!

1605.00 THE DELIVERY DEPOT

Being a shift worker means I'm at home in the day quite often. The local postman and quite a few of the courier drivers have figured this out. Others see a car on the drive (I don't use the car for work anyway).  This means that quite a few of my neighbours have me as a drop off point while they work (this isn't a formal arrangement). What does annoy me is when they don't come round and pick it up straight away, some have been know to wait days!

The thing is when I receive a parcel and I'm not in it always ends up back at the depot with the smiley happy people. It's a real pain in the arse to go down and pick it up.

1512.06 TRIMMED UP

People tend to think I'm anti Christmas. I'm not. What I hate is the comercialisation and the hype. I hate the fact that shops start pushing it down your neck from the end of August. Why do we need to prepare for 3 months just for a day?

Ok now I've got that off my chest here's the start of my Christmas story... 

I'd planned to make a day of the decorating. Usually it takes ages and we are still busy late into the evening. Rags assisted me early to move the furniture around (necessary to get the tree in). We then got the boxes down from the loft and began the task. 

Around lunchtime as a break we decided to attend a Christmas fayre in Firth Park. We wish we'd have not bothered, it was a load of crap. Not wasting any more time we went to a local Weatherspoons for food before going back home to continue. 

Rather than being a cheerful, seasonal event it eventually became a stressful task for us all. We overran, eventually finishing around 20:30 ish. 

So the house is ready for Christmas at the proper time... in December. 

1508.21 PREPARATION

Preparing for a holiday can be stressful. Not for me, as long as I know where I'm going and I've got clean pants for every day then I'm sorted.

A holiday for me is all about clearing your mind and achieving relaxation. Morticia is going out of her mind worrying about if everything will be done on time. I've no doubt that on Saturday morning we'll be setting off for Wales on schedule.

1403.04 FLOORED 2 GO

We are currently looking at redecorating our living room. The biggest job is to replace our ageing carpet with a laminate floor, something Morticia has been asking for since before the last carpet. We shopped around and found the perfect deal at the local 'Floors 2 Go' store. The staff were helpful and we paid for our new floor. We were told that the damp proofing membrane and edging strips would need to be ordered. That's when the issues began. All is explained in the email I sent to them... 

On 27th January I visited one of your stores in Rotherham and was pleased by the selection and the deal offered by sales staff. I purchased laminate flooring plus underlay and was told that a damp proofing membrane edging strips would be ordered and could be collected soon after. I paid for all the items. We were told that someone would telephone us when the items came into store.

After not hearing anything for 2 weeks I chased up my order. I was told it had yet to be delivered and someone would get back to me to let me know when i could expect delivery. No one called.

I tried to call back a number of times the following weekend where no one answered the phone.

I chased again a week later and was told the same and that I would be advised when it came into store. 

I left it for a couple of weeks and chased again. I was told that the damp proofing membrane was a rare item and not often available. I was asked why I specifically ordered this set up as there was a combined underlay and damp proofing available. I said that I was not offered this nor was I told that the separate membrane was difficult to source. I was offered a swap for the underlay I had for the combined underlay. I agreed and was told that the new underlay would be available by the end of the week and I would be phoned. 

Once again I received no phone call and it was left to me to chase. Yesterday I phoned and was told my items were available for collection. I went today to pick up the outstanding goods and was presented with the originally ordered damp proofing membrane (and the edging strips). I questioned this and why the membrane took so long to come. I was told that this item was like "rocking horse shit". I asked why I wasn't offered the other combined underlay to which I was told that it was much more expensive and that the system sometimes shows it in stock when it isn't. 

All in all its taken 6 weeks to fulfil my order. In that time I've been fobbed off, misinformed, never had my calls returned and been given in my opinion a very poor level of customer service. I had a friend lined up to help me fit the floor but now I have to wait for them to become available again. This episode has been a nightmare and what I thought was a good deal has turned out to be such a poor effort on your part. 

1008.30 LAST HOLI-DAY

Since returning from holiday I've aimed for a little quality time with my family. This has involved sitting in the house with Morticia and the kids. Sometimes this has been good but as with all families it can be disastrous.

On the whole it's been a good week but I have to say that I'm ready to go back to work...

1002.22 SCROOGE METER

I just got an energy meter for free from my energy provider. It's interesting to see which appliances are energy hungry and which aren't. I find myself watching the numbers trying to get it as low as possible. I guess that's what it's all about.

0911.16 WEEKEND WITH THE KIDS

Morticia went to Nottingham for a 'girlie' weekend this weekend and left me to look after the kids. I don't mind, sometimes I even get a small amount of time to myself.

It seems that no one wanted to help me tidy up, I spent most of the time running around after the kids. My only consolation was that I got to watch the new Star Trek DVD (a total of 5 times), great considering it's not officially 'out' till Monday. Gotta love Play.com.

Wish I could have a couple of days to myself. I feel so mixed up at the moment, I need to rediscover myself. Maybe when Christmas is all done with I can go a check into a hotel for a couple of nights with some books and be truly alone.

Went to visit my Grandad yesterday. Nan didn't sound very good when I phoned her so I knew it was important I go. Grandad discovered he has cancer and the doctors are not going to treat it. I don't know what this means and I don't know what to think. All I do know is that I am very scared. didn't get chance to speak to Nan properly, without Morticia being with me it is hard to do.

I'm all over the place.